Photographer: Amala Muralidharan
Mother’s day celebrates the motherhood and motherly influences in our lives. A mother is the most energetic person of a family and on this day, she is appreciated for all her efforts, courage and determinations in making our lives extra special. She is nothing more than a miracle …
A woman becomes a mother the day she conceives her baby. Talking to the baby, enjoying the kicks and all other physical pains is always special to each mum with a bump. Becoming a mother is a life-changing experience for the person who has carried a tiny human inside her for 9 months. No one has the right to judge her because no one has been in her shoes or seen her dreams.
A new mother’s new life becomes a dark space all of a sudden and she can feel her life sinking in the baby blues. It takes a lot of courage for a mother to even smile at her new life. Does anyone wish her for this new phase of life? Why is a woman never prepared mentally for a sudden change in her life? When criticised, why does she have to feel suppressed and lost?
I would like to share my story where I felt I should not have been given too many warnings when I was enjoying the baby bonding, the most pure and unconditional form of love. All mothers sail in the same boat. I’m sure all new mums would resonate with the initial mental and emotional hardships which I went through…
Smiling and being good to everyone is actually of no good. You don’t make a good impression on others but yes their impression on you lasts for a lifetime. You don’t need to go an extra mile to please everyone in your life and I have learnt it in a hard way !
Post delivery I have broken down many a times. Why ??? Because I gave birth to a baby for the first time and people who came like swarm of flies to pay a visit, came with many free advice which kept upsetting me every single day. Initially there were times when I felt I needed some time to myself and wanted to be happy with my little man, in our happy space. But no one understood it.
Someone asked me once ‘when will you learn to hold the baby properly?’. I was in tears and I asked ‘Amma … was I supposed to know all this before? Was I supposed to practice breastfeeding before, so that I feed the baby without your help? Am I the only woman who is not educated about the postpartum life ???’
I was scared of making mistakes, thinking I might hurt him. There was some weird guilt in me. I had my parents by my side to pat on my shoulder, to tell me that I was absolutely normal and every woman goes through this phase. I learnt to smile again. But… people don’t stop there, they just don’t understand. Each one of them is a PhD holder in these matters and give too much of information on the Life Post Delivery.
With my parents support, I took my own sweet time to settle down in a new life with my little man. And he was named Ayaan, he is indeed ‘a gift of god’. He was my source of energy to ignore all these negative vibes spread by these flies.
At times when I felt really low, I wanted someone to ask me if I was happy when there was a sudden shift of attention from me to the baby. It wasn’t love for the baby but instructions to handle the newborn… How would one feel if you are told- always apply kajal in his eyes and eyebrows, only then eyes would look bigger and eyebrows would grow in a good shape. Give him a drop of honey everyday. Don’t keep the baby close to yourself or become too clingy that he would get used to your body warmth. He would never get comfortable with anyone else. Really ??? Does all this make any sense? If not the mother’s warmth, then who else? It doesn’t end there … don’t talk too much or else the baby will turnout to be talkative and attention seeking. Do not hold or carry the baby always, keep him on the floor …only then will he grow !
I have taken each and every ‘advice given out of concern’ with a pinch of salt till it crossed the saturation point. But with time I learnt to answer with royal ignorance and a sarcastic smile.
More than anyone isn’t it a mother’s choice to handle the baby in a way she wants? It breaks my heart when I think that being educated has not done any good to me. I couldn’t even open my mouth in front of them because of my moral values.
So a big shout out to life… Dear aunties and XYZ relatives,
Please be a little more understanding and a lot more considerate next time you visit a mother. Unless she asks don’t show any unnecessary concern. Keep your free advice to yourself and do not poke your nose in places where you are not required!
Instead of these free nonsensical advice, you could pour in lots of love on her…
– Ask her if she’s OK, if she’s happy… there would be a feeling of connection, she would share her mind with you.
– Tell her that she’s going to be the best-est mommy in this world and her kid would be proud of her someday.
– Tell her that motherhood is ought to be imperfectly perfect. Celebrate it every day. Love yourself, love your new life, love the way you look and only look at the optimistic side of life.
– Tell her it is OK to cry at times, but its even more important to smile at life.
– Support her. Tell her to be brave, thankful and not fearing because a beautiful baby has chosen her to be his mother.
– Spread happiness… Bless her with love and strength but not words to put her at stress.
– Let her enjoy her motherhood to the fullest.
– Let her follow her motherly instincts and ask you, only if she needs help.
– Motherhood is precious. Let her enjoy it, take each day as it comes!
#AyaanKiMumma is stronger than ever now because such talks don’t matter to her anymore…